To me, love is not about living together forever; it is not also about wishing welfare of the other person and ignoring yourself. Love is bringing about the best of both of you, shunning away the individual negativities and adopting the positive aspects of each other.
It is a kind of synergy which maximizes joy!
As we all seek to be loved irresistibly, we also try to love unconditionally. While doing so we may adopt ways which really do not help us maximize the joy in a relationship. As these ways minus the joy from a relationship I call them the Loveminuses or the lovemins.
This Valentine’s Day is just the right time to check and arrest these Lovemins : Just see if you identify with any of the below or similar approaches.
Are you playing the mirroring game?
Have you given up your fitness regime because your spouse cares a damn for exercise?
You could hardly finish a bottle of cola, but started drinking hard to keep him good company?
Your guy is a vegan, so you gave up your favourite chicken dish?
You need to check out if you are really enjoying the aping exercise! If not, make amends. Try maintaining the healthy habits. It is perfectly ok to force him into one good habit while you give up on a bad one.
Has ‘My Space” turned into distance in your relationship?
You hate parties but your spouse is a party monk, so you meditate over ‘EK’ soaps on the idiot box.
On holidays, you go for your hobby classes and he gangs up with his friends.
He is a workaholic and he always works late into night till you are off to bed, but he never disturbs you and you never crib!
Differentiate between space and distance. Are you really enjoying your space or fooling yourselves because you feel there are no options? Talk it out, wait up for him when he has to work late and coax him to come home early. Go to a few parties and ask him to ignore a few. Turn off that Idiot Box. Spend weekends together for a common interest.
Have you started believing that you are too old for love n romance? Do you also think responsibility for kids and home is “The truth of Love”?
You work through the maze of instructions to be given to the maid, the cook, the laundry boy etc. while your spouse rushes the kids for school. There is hardly time to say a decent bye to each other.
The holidays are to visit the relatives or to entertain the family friends!
Vacations are wagons of people. We believe in “More the Merrier”.
You are never too old for romance & love. Responsibility can be shared lovingly. Just sneak out for a movie or a lunch date while the kids enjoy their games/birthday parties. Keep the flame alive to feel young! Never compromise on the time you both spend with each other!